There have been all sorts of reports in the news lately about multiple child suicides due to homophobic bullying. I'm not really sure what to say about this, except that I think it's important to recognize the ENORMOUS amount of stress and pain that still occurs today for kids who are "different." Whether it's sexuality, income level, race, etc., kids sure can be awful to one another. Oh wait, that extends into adulthood.

Anyway, the latest string of suicides due to this dragged me down the path of regret in regards to a conversation that happened a few months ago. My family and I were on vacation, staying with other family members. We had just arrived at their house after a long drive and were sitting down and chatting, catching up on their lives. In some way or another, one of my cousin's high school classmates was brought up in conversation. I'll call him "Max." My aunt proceeded to make jokes about Max because he wore fishnet stockings to school, eyeliner, miniskirts, etc., with my cousin adding occasional support with comments such as, "Yeah, everyone hates him" and "He's such a freak!" and "I stay away from him as much as possible."

As the conversation transpired, I sort of felt like I was sitting in a bubble. I felt this slow rage just boiling up and boiling up and boiling up. How dare they? I mean, seriously. HOW DARE THEY. My aunt- a grown woman- trash-talking (in front of her children) a kid who is different. And my cousin, openly admitting her active homophobia and unkindness- receiving support and condolences from not only her family, but MY family. Poor, poor girl having to go to school with such a freak! Kids these days are so much worse than they used to be! On and on and on ad nauseum, until I felt like the entire world was spiraling into some terrifying parallel universe in which you suddenly realize that the people you love most are bigoted and biased and hateful.

Reader, I said nothing. I did not defend this boy. Weakly I tried to point out that it probably takes a lot of courage for him to dress like that and come to school, knowing that he would be bullied and made fun of. "Oh he just wants ATTENTION" was the response.

Attention. Riiiiiiight.

To this day, I regret not saying more. Because I am not Mormon and my family is (and this conversation was brought up as a tangent to a discussion about California's Proposition 8 measure), I am seen as something of an ideological leper. My opinions and my voice are not valid on "doctrinal" subjects, such as homosexuality. What's more, when I DO voice my dissent, it is seen as hate-making against the LDS Church. I withheld because I felt awkward shaming my adult relatives. I felt awkward coming into their house and immediately taking issue with their hate. I felt awkward knowing that my parents would be upset with me for causing problems.

Despite all my reasoning, I regret it.

These children are literally DYING because of the opinions that people like the ones I love hold. They are killing themselves to escape the labels of "freak" and "faggot" and other such branding that leaves them open to verbal and physical abuse. I don't think that speaking out would have really changed the minds of my family and it sure would have caused some problems at the time, but at least I wouldn't have felt like a pawn in the game of this crazy-making.

Next time, I'm gonna do better. Next time I'm going to keep my cool and talk about how children are killing themselves because of the name-calling and the bullying that they receive at the hands of their peers. I am going to talk about the importance of solidarity in defending people like Max, who are incredibly vulnerable to depression, drug abuse, suicide, and other unhealthy coping strategies due to the amount of shit they receive for dressing/talking/looking the way they do. I'll leave religion and rage out of it, but I sure as HELL am going to have the facts:

(I'm including only a few, but a complete list of findings can be found here)

• Almost all transgender students had been verbally harassed (e.g., called names or threatened) in the past year at school because of their sexual orientation (89%) and gender expression (87%).

• More than half of all transgender students had been physically harassed (e.g., pushed or shoved) in school in the past year because of their sexual orientation (55%) and gender expression (53%).

• More than a quarter of transgender students had been physically assaulted (e.g., punched, kicked or injured with a weapon) in school in the past year because of their sexual orientation (28%) and gender expression (26%).

• Most transgender students (54%) who were victimized in school did not report the events to school authorities. Among those who did report incidents to school personnel, few students (33%) believed that staff addressed the situation effectively.
  
  
• School staff also contributed to the harassment. A third of transgender students heard school staff make homophobic remarks (32%), sexist remarks (39%) and negative comments about someone’s gender expression (39%) sometimes, often or frequently in the past year.

• Almost half of all transgender students reported skipping a class at least once in the past month (47%) and missing at least one day of school in the past month (46%) because they felt unsafe or uncomfortable.