A non-touching tribute to John Updike

John Updike died a while back. I read about it in the New York Times and actually said aloud, "About time." And not because I didn't like the man- but because there are simply not that many artists living that are considered an enduring part of the American experience. His contribution as such was accepted years ago with all those Rabbit books- and with that, it seemed like he could settle down and write whatever he wanted, knowing his obituary would be run in all the major papers. I had been expecting him to die ever since I learned he was still alive.

He wrote some things that I love and some things that I hated. We don't see eye to eye on what it means to be a woman, but he certainly understood things about being a man. His essay, "The Disposable Rocket" was one of my favorites in college. He wrote a lovely poem called "Dead Dog," which makes me burst into tears every time I read it, including this evening.

To create in this world is a risky experiment. It takes a tremendous amount of self-confidence to attempt to put anything out at all. If you're even remotely in the loop, you know that there are people better than you out there doing exactly what you do and saying what you say. No small amount of self-delusion is necessary to keep steam after that realization. Then there's the fact that some people, even people you love and respect, will not like what you create and will say as much. You can hurt people you love by creating. John Updike, for what it's worth, created anyway, for decades, and I think that's courage worth appreciating.

A sudden, radical break from conventional wisdom

Regarding the new study just published stating that "cutting calories"- any calories- will reduce your weight, I present to you this article.

America has an eating disorder.

And then my head exploded

Lawmakers in this great state voted yesterday to deny homosexual individuals protection against discrimination in the workplace regarding their sexual orientation.

Right now, in Utah, you can be fired for being gay. Not just that, but you can also be fired for APPEARING gay.

Because that's how we roll in this state. So bigoted and biased that we would rather treat human beings like second class citizens based on ONE factor of their personhood, rather than confront our fears and biases. That's totally what God would want though. You know. Because HE hates those gays. Oh wait.... But that's right, God DOESN'T hate the gays- last time I checked, in fact, He was giving out orders to love everyone. But dammit all, it's gotta be tough love. God may love those gay people, but He sure as HECK doesn't love their perverse fornicating ways! So the best way to "love" them is to completely deny them any and all basic civil and human rights. Hopefully that will convince them to repent and return to normalcy. It's all about LOVE!

I want to bash my head against a wall.

Dear Utahns,

You cannot hate people for their own good.

Kisses,

Bek

The complexities of domestic violence

Jezebel has a really awesome post about a post up right now about Rihanna and Chris Brown. My heart hurts for Rihanna, who, no matter what she chooses to do (press charges, dump him, get back together with him), will forever be scarred by this incident. It's one of those moments in life where bad things happen and right up front, no matter WHAT you do, your life will never be the same. I hope she has a good support system- people who are going to stick by her and love her and not judge her NO MATTER WHAT SHE CHOOSES TO DO. These situations are always complicated and emotional. I don't presume to know what's going to be best for her. I hope others don't either.

Having worked in a domestic violence shelter, I can attest to the fact that the situation that Jezebel's Megan describes is really quite accurate. Law enforcement officers aren't monsters and members of the prosecution aren't sadists, but the system is absolutely 100% overwhelmed. Good police and prosecutors can handle the overload with grace and empathy. Others, due to lack of training or lack of emotional ability, cannot. It's a hard, tragic, shitty situation for everyone. My heart goes out to all involved.

Update 1: Excellent interview with Elizabeth Mendez Berry, author of "Love Hurts"- an article looking at domestic violence, specifically within the hip-hop culture.

What is up?

A year ago, my car stereo gave out. Blew a gasket and died, effectively removing me from any and all live radio for the past year. I made the best of the situation- listened to my iPod, downloaded lectures to listen to on the drive to work (my mind engaged is much less prone to road rage- yay rhymes!), etc. It wasn't SO bad, but I missed the good old days where I could unabashedly listen to the latest horrible bubble-gum pop and oldies in the privacy of my little tin can. And NPR. God, I missed NPR. I know that makes me a true blue liberal white person. And I can't help it.

The parents bought me a new car stereo this past Christmas (thank you thank you thank you) and I've immediately reverted back to my old habits....listening to KOZY 106.5 and NPR and 90.9 and the occasional ridiculous Beyonce "Put a Ring on It." It's been a lovely lapse in music pretentiousness. Fuck taste!- give me LOVE SONGS AFTER DARK!

Anyway, so when I was growing up, all the kids used to listen to X96. The source for all things "alternative." And, you know, I still have a real affection for the station. It brings me back to the old days of tooling around in Lauri's old station wagon, of waterballoon stakeouts, of childhood and youth. It's still one of my "favorites" buttons.

My year-long absence from the radio may account for this next question: Where are all the ladies in the "alternative" music genre? And why are they not getting radio time?

I love women musicians. Most of my favorite artists are women. There's gotta be a ton of them in the alternative young-hipster-toocoolforschool-generation of upandcomings. WHY are they not getting play? It bothers me.

That's all. If you need me, I'll be over listening to Delilah and Wait Wait Don't Tell Me.

:)

MLK

Today MLK's got me thinking about all the people in this world who stand up against the popular current and take a beating- the people who dedicate their lives to being an example, however imperfect and flawed an example they may be.

I've said this before- I do not think America is a great country because it is God's land, or because it is a righteous moral nation. I do not think we are a country that has used its power benevolently or for good. However, I love this country for the individuals who live within it; amazing, powerful individuals who are willing to stand up against the current and protest. MLK was one of them. Not the soulless, hammed up guy that they taught me about in elementary school, thankfully, but a man whose life was full of choices. Some of them he made poorly, to the detriment of his family and himself. But I am ever thankful that he made the choice to stand up and continue standing, no matter what the cost. I love him for that. I love America for giving birth to that.

This was Gene Robinson's prayer yesterday at the "We Are One" concert that Obama attended. It is my prayer too, as MLK day and the inauguration take place.

“O God of our many understandings, we pray that you will bless us with tears -- tears for a world in which over a billion people exist on less than a dollar a day, where young women in many lands are beaten and raped for wanting an education, and thousands die daily from malnutrition, malaria, and AIDS.

Bless this nation with anger -- anger at discrimination, at home and abroad, against refugees and immigrants, women, people of color, gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people.

Bless us with discomfort at the easy, simplistic answers we’ve preferred to hear from our politicians, instead of the truth about ourselves and our world, which we need to face if we are going to rise to the challenges of the future.

Bless us with patience and the knowledge that none of what ails us will be fixed anytime soon, and the understanding that our new president is a human being, not a messiah.

Bless us with humility, open to understanding that our own needs as a nation must always be balanced with those of the world.

Bless us with freedom from mere tolerance, replacing it with a genuine respect and warm embrace of our differences.

Bless us with compassion and generosity, remembering that every religion’s God judges us by the way we care for the most vulnerable.

And God, we give you thanks for your child, Barack, as he assumes the office of President of the United States.

Give him wisdom beyond his years, inspire him with President Lincoln’s reconciling leadership style, President Kennedy’s ability to enlist our best efforts, and Dr. King’s dream of a nation for all people.

Give him a quiet heart, for our ship of state needs a steady, calm captain.

Give him stirring words; We will need to be inspired and motivated to make the personal and common sacrifices necessary to facing the challenges ahead.

Make him color-blind, reminding him of his own words that under his leadership, there will be neither red nor blue states, but the United States.

Help him remember his own oppression as a minority, drawing on that experience of discrimination, that he might seek to change the lives of those who are still its victims.

Give him strength to find family time and privacy, and help him remember that even though he is president, a father only gets one shot at his daughters’ childhoods.

And please, God, keep him safe. We know we ask too much of our presidents, and we’re asking far too much of this one. We implore you, O good and great God, to keep him safe. Hold him in the palm of your hand, that he might do the work we have called him to do, that he might find joy in this impossible calling, and that in the end, he might lead us as a nation to a place of integrity, prosperity, and peace. Amen."

How do you know you've found your calling?

When articles like this make you get all passionate and "save the world"y.

YAY reproductive health!