Sex & the City

So on Wednesday night Roommates A, B and me went to see Sex and the City. I've anticipated and worried about this movie for so long that it seemed sort of surreal to finally be watching it. I have loved SATC since a particularly low September in 2006 when I finally started watching them in successive episodes, loving and NEEDING the delicious escape from the gloom doom reality I was facing. I know there's a lot of controversy surrounding whether or not these women represent feminine empowerment or its opposite; I know the show is almost universally hated and feared by men (love to all the men in my life who have sat and enjoyed it with me- you know who you are); I know the movie met with seriously mixed reviews and that the antipathy towards Sarah Jessica Parker has reached new heights in the weeks since its release.

I think because of all the anticipation and worry, the experience was sort of muted for me. I collect essays and my favorite essay of all time, The Loss of the Creature, by Walker Percy deals with the concept that reality doesn't exist when it is viewed through our expectations and perceptions. To some extent, all the reviews and chatter I'd been reading for the past three or four weeks kept running through my head as I was watching the movie. I found myself constantly preoccupied with the questions raised in the reviews. Did Charlotte have a big enough role? What kind of achievement is it really that women over 40 can draw a $55 million dollar opener? How realistic was it that Smith turned out to be sort of an asshole? It made the movie itself sort of a colorful blur of questions, and in the end, I felt I had been cheated out of a good portion of the movie.

Except the forgiveness. One of the major draws of Sex and the City for me has been its consistent attempt to define love- self love, relationships, even love for places and things. It is, I think, the linchpin of what connects viewers with the characters, and there are moments in the seasons of deep deep love, mostly between the women, but also between the women and their men. The movie explored the concept of forgiveness as central to love in a way that was only grazed over in the episodes; it really looked at the tired, angry, painful awful parts of love that can only be surmounted by simply forgiving, even if it means the end.

When I was a little kid, I was obsessed with the Don Henley song, "The Heart of the Matter." I didn't question why I liked it, I just did. I couldn't listen to it enough. When I actually listened to the lyrics several years later, I understood. So I was really excited to hear it in the movie's soundtrack.

" I got the call today
That I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old, true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you'd found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
and the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
and beg for something more?
I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down
to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
and my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about...forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore
Ah...these times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
and people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age?
Ah...the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things - we kill I guess...
Ohh pride and competition
cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us
you know it doesn't keep me warm
I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
And the more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I'd figured out
I have to learn again
I've been trying to get down
to the heart of the matter
But everything changes
and my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about...forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if, you don't love me anymore
There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby; cause' life goes on
If you keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside, baby
I've been trying to get down
to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
and my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me
I've been tryin' to get down
to the heart of the matter
Because the flesh will get weak
and the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if, you don't love me anymore"

It perfectly defines my concept of love. I'm not a flowery kiss kiss girl. I haven't ever believed that romance is simply composed of holding hands and singing kumbaya as you walk on a beach. But I do think it's about forgiveness. All love. No matter who you love, you love 'em long enough and they're gonna hurt you at some point, and you will most likely hurt them too. That's what we do unfortunately. But forgiveness is essential to it all, no matter how it ends up.

This is a sort of cheesy superfluous post. I just wanted to say that I loved the SATC movie for showing the tired portion of love, the part that climbs the high mountains and walks over the rough patches and comes out on the other side. I don't give a shit about their shoes and their fancy apartments and how fantasy-land it all is- the part about forgiveness? That part is spot on.